Selfishness

So as some may know, wifey and I are expecting our 3rd child this winter and what comes before birth? Pregnancy!  This one seems to be a bit rougher on wifey than the last two, or it may be that she is watching kids and doesn't get much adult interaction (cause let's face it, I ain't much of an adult) on a daily basis, plus watching kids is hard work.  Anyone who says watching kids is either not a parent or on crack I'm pretty sure.  But it seems I may have been a bit selfish with my time recently.  Working third shift and trying to be involved in the family makes time management kinda difficult, let me lay out some examples for ya.  I work from 11pm to 8am (yes that's nine hours, can't give'em paid lunch!!) so on a 'normal' day i try to sleep from 2-10 and get my solid 8 hrs that way. BUT WAIT! what about when my oldest needs to get picked up from school at 3?!?!  well either I should stay up to monitor the kiddo's or go get her so lets say i sleep from 3:30 to 10, but here comes the monkey wrenches.  Wifey teaches dance (which I am SO happy she can do something that she loves and be in her career field) but they are usually in the evening so sometimes that means I sleep from 9-3 then a little bit from 6 or 7-10.  All this sleep juggling can make me a little cranky.  I know it's not fair to take it out on anyone, this is just part of being a dad/husband, but it can make my mood sour and unpleasant to be around.  So I try to look forward to things I REALLY enjoy and make little 'holidays' of them.  Like I enjoy video games so when I get to play them (especially on my nights off when my friends are playing and we can multiplayer) it's like a 'mini labor day' a little sunshine to make me smile.  But I've been focusing too much on them and not enough on the wifey and she has been feeling overloaded.  I've taken up doing cat litter (preggies can't do it, some kind of fetal risk called toxo-plasmosis) and laundry (she cant reach in the wash bin anymore...it's cute) on top of what I used to do but I should try to help out more.

So honey (as you are probably my only subscriber) here's my apology letter for the whole world to see, I'm sorry and I'll do more to help so your last trimester won't be such a burden and we can look forward to seeing Ms. M!

Yoga Time

I've really been stepping up my practice of yoga as of late and been feeling a lot calmer and more peaceful.  It's been challenging physically (what a good workoug) and time-wise (it seems I can't get stable ground under me when it comes to a daily schedule) but I really think this is one of the most beneficial habits I've been able to cultivate in a long time.  It comes at a good time too. Work has been exceedingly trying lately.  Coworkers making outlandish accusations, new recruits returning from "prestigious" training in San Antonio, and supervision making us jump at every homeless man that wanders down our streets is mentally exhausting.  It's nice to be able to find a place inside and know that I'll feel better and rewarded when I get done with a simple 20-30 minute routine. 

One of the nice side benefits that I did not anticipate about yoga is when I started to get involved in the community aspect of it I've found that most of the people have very similar views on life and peace and balance that I do. 

I hope to stick with it this time and really reap the benefits of a yoga lifestyle.

 

Namaste!

Rollercoasters

So I've never been much of a fan of rollercoasters.  Seems a shame living as close as I do to Cedar Point (from what I understand is a pretty good coaster park) but they've never had much of an appeal to me.  I don't think it's that I'm afraid of heights, I enjoy rock climbing and I clean out my gutters and trim trees without even a second thought.  I guess it's the complete lack of control and the extremes that they go to that don't appeal to me (and the 3 hour wait in line).  But sometimes it feels like I live my own rollercoaster.  My emotions and moods go from one extreme to another it feels like.  Not quite to the point of a manic depressive, but enough that I got screened for it a few years ago.  I have been enjoying a rather extended period of happyness and hoped that a few lifestyle changes had gotten me out of the cycle, but the other night before I came into work I felt the familiar funk starting to creep back in (I don't know many who enjoys going to work, but this is more than that).  I try to temper my emotions and moods, but what made me really take a strong look at how I present myself is when my daughter asked me "what's wrong daddy?" and I just replied that daddy is sad and when she asked why I couldn't really come up with a good reason.  I've never been much of an over the top kind of guy, more of a candle than a sparkler, but I don't want my kids to remember me as a sour guy but as a calm and loving individual. 

 

No one at work seems to understand the difference between calm serenity and tired foul mood.  I am usually in a decent mood and could be fullly awake but most people I come in contact with comment on how I always look tired or angry.  All that does it tend aggrivate me.  It's like walking up to someone and telling them they look like crap today. 

 

I wonder how much of all this can be attributed to me working night shift or if it's just my personality.  It is times like these that I do miss my best counselor I've ever had though, my grandmother.  For now though, writing down my thoughts, both good and bad, on this blog seems to help balance me out.

an update of sorts I guess

As some may know, I've played World of Warcraft for the better part of 2 or 3 years with a few breaks here and there.  Also as of a month of so ago I've quit to re-prioritize some things in life.  I miss some of my friends I've made in that world, but I've reconnected with my wife on a much stronger level that I haven't enjoyed while playing.  Also I've been picking up other hobbies and strengthening others as there is more time to do so.  I used to spend about an hour or two everyday playing and a couple more on nights off.  Now during those times I practice my yoga, play sword fights with my girls (which is hilarious) or play disc golf with a friend who I've grown very close to as he now has a daughter and we have more in common.  There's been times I've been tempted to go back, especially on a frustrating or aggravating day, but when I think of how much strife it causes my wife I don't want to put her through that.  I think what I miss the most about the game is how important I was to so many people.  I played a vital role to dungeons and raids as a healer and a tank and I was told I played very well and people would excitedly greet me and ask me to help them.  I've never been too social in real life, and I hold myself to very high standards and get disappointed by others easily.  The game was a lot easier for me to socialize and connect with people because I could remember that it was just a game and could just have fun with it but in real life if I expected someone to be there when I needed them or to look forward to seeing me like I looked forward to seeing them and they did not it crushed me to the point where I became jaded.  Now I'm back in the situation where I really should be looking for friends to spend time with.  It's a challenge for me as the friends I've made at work are on different schedules than I am and there aren't many people I want to see at work let alone outside of it.  I think that's why most of the activities I really invest my time into can be done solo.  Most video games have a single player mode, disc golf can be done alone, I think my girls will always sword fight with me (at least for a few more years until it's not cool to like dad).  i just get frustrated because there's many things I'd like to try, but my schedule makes it impossible to commit to clubs or activities that meet on certain days or certain times.

 

well, that's my energy drink induced rant/stream of consciousness....I SHOULD BUY A BOAT (corky romano ref)

 

~Klint

Medieval Madness!

Last weekend we went to the Great Lakes Medieval Faire and had a great time!  The weather was perfect, the kids were well behaved (except for a case of the whinies but that's to be expected after a whole day of walking around and no nap) and the entertainment was EPIC!  It all started with a firebreathing comedian right inside the gate.  He was hilarious!  and really good with the the fire breathing too.  As we continued on we saw evidence that it was indeed pirate invasion weekend as we saw more than a few spectators dressed as pirates and all the amusement operators were dressed as pirates as well.  I was really impressed that all the rides are operated on "pirate power" by pushes, cranks, pulls and Heave Ho's!!  After some walking around and a ride we headed over to one of the food areas the "Stumble Inn" and sat down to lunch.  I got the turkey legge and it was MASSIVE!  As we were eating a band called Circa Paleo played traditional music from around the world.  I learned later that they have a track on the Braveheart soundtrack.  After lunch we headed deeper into the woods and checked out some more merchants, the highland games, fairy forest, the viking encampment, and SO much more.  We ended the day by watching the joust and had a good laugh as blue knight and the green knight battled in front of the king and queen.

We hope to go again before it leaves for the year and will definitely be attending next year...in costume!

Tired

Seems I only come here when I have an epiphany or need to rant about something and I guess this is a little of both. I have been doing a lot of searching to find a way to make my day to day life happier and I've come to the conclusion that I'm tired of being tired. Simple fix you say? Just get more rest? Not quite the tired I have in mind. I'm tired of working hours I don't like with people I don't like for bosses I don't like at a place that doesn't challenge me in a career that used to be about helping people but isn't anymore. And since you spend a third of you adult day at work it seems there needs to be a change.

THE HUNT BEGINS!

~Klint

Enemies

Have you ever had a day where nothing goes as planned?  Or perhaps you feel like the gears of the world are turning against you.  It's days like those that people tell you to look on the brighter side, and to persevere and it will get better soon.  These are good and all, but what if you can't find the brighter side, or the weight of your sorrows seem impossible to bear?  I feel that way from time to time and today I sat and thought about the source of my woes and came to a conclusion. 

I have an enemy working against me. 

This is not to be trifled with or underestimated.  He is sneaky, underhanded and ruthless.  He undermines my dreams, mars my health, makes me stumble when I finally feel like I find my stride and maligns the machine that is my daily life.  Who is this evil doer?  Who could be so heartless and callous?  It's me.  There are days where I do things I don't even know why I do it, but then later on the repercussions destroy something I hold dear.  I'm sure we've all said things in anger we regret, but it seems I make it a habit like a druggie visiting his dealer.

So why do I do it?  Old habit die hard?  Perhaps there's something to be said about the way I was raised.  Maybe I'm one of those people who just can't get along with others.  I don't know.  All I know is I want to defeat this underminer, this nemesis I have.  I want to be happy and fulfill my dreams.