Wednesday, August 25, 2010


So I've never been much of a fan of rollercoasters.  Seems a shame living as close as I do to Cedar Point (from what I understand is a pretty good coaster park) but they've never had much of an appeal to me.  I don't think it's that I'm afraid of heights, I enjoy rock climbing and I clean out my gutters and trim trees without even a second thought.  I guess it's the complete lack of control and the extremes that they go to that don't appeal to me (and the 3 hour wait in line).  But sometimes it feels like I live my own rollercoaster.  My emotions and moods go from one extreme to another it feels like.  Not quite to the point of a manic depressive, but enough that I got screened for it a few years ago.  I have been enjoying a rather extended period of happyness and hoped that a few lifestyle changes had gotten me out of the cycle, but the other night before I came into work I felt the familiar funk starting to creep back in (I don't know many who enjoys going to work, but this is more than that).  I try to temper my emotions and moods, but what made me really take a strong look at how I present myself is when my daughter asked me "what's wrong daddy?" and I just replied that daddy is sad and when she asked why I couldn't really come up with a good reason.  I've never been much of an over the top kind of guy, more of a candle than a sparkler, but I don't want my kids to remember me as a sour guy but as a calm and loving individual. 


No one at work seems to understand the difference between calm serenity and tired foul mood.  I am usually in a decent mood and could be fullly awake but most people I come in contact with comment on how I always look tired or angry.  All that does it tend aggrivate me.  It's like walking up to someone and telling them they look like crap today. 


I wonder how much of all this can be attributed to me working night shift or if it's just my personality.  It is times like these that I do miss my best counselor I've ever had though, my grandmother.  For now though, writing down my thoughts, both good and bad, on this blog seems to help balance me out.

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